Executive Coaching Archives - gothamCulture Organizational Culture and Leadership Consultants Tue, 22 Nov 2022 19:25:59 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.5 https://gothamculture.com/wp-content/uploads/favicon.png Executive Coaching Archives - gothamCulture 32 32 Forgiveness: Forgiving the Bad Boss https://gothamculture.com/2022/11/22/forgiveness-forgiving-the-bad-boss/ Tue, 22 Nov 2022 14:28:16 +0000 https://gothamculture.com/?p=29020 In a recent blog, I related the story of discovery about what was causing a client to be “stuck” in his career.  It concerned an incident with a boss whose actions had severely impacted the client and his sense of value as a person and a professional. A number of readers rightly responded that the Read More…

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In a recent blog, I related the story of discovery about what was causing a client to be “stuck” in his career.  It concerned an incident with a boss whose actions had severely impacted the client and his sense of value as a person and a professional.

A number of readers rightly responded that the client’s recognition was a critical first step – but only the beginning of that particular part of his personal journey.

By way of explanation, I had the opportunity recently to speak to another client about a similar situation which had occurred some years before. The client spoke about how recognizing the cause of the pain he had experienced with a boss had made him feel liberated.

I asked what “liberated” meant.

“Over the years, I’ve realized that that particular boss might well have made mistakes and might still be doing so. I almost feel sorry for him.”

 “What else?” I asked.

“Well, I’ve long since left the company, but my colleagues back there tell me he hasn’t changed. I’m not sure, but maybe it’s in his DNA.”

“And what has changed for you?”

“My perspective for one thing. I now know that you can’t change how people act, but you can indeed change how you respond and react to them. And you can look at them with a sense of gratitude for what you learned from them. I am not just more resilient after that experience with that particular guy – I am actually stronger as a person and wiser as a servant leader. I have a real awareness that all of my actions as a leader impact the people who work with me far more than I imagined. Being emotionally aware of the “wake” I make is one of the most important pieces of self-awareness for me. And knowing that I can make mistakes and must make amends – that serves me every day.” 

 Then his voice trailed off and became quieter…. “And there’s something else and it’s the most important thing…”

I leaned forward: “What else?”

Forgiveness. I am truly liberated when I can forgive someone else. It is an essential part of who I am and a fundamental part of my spiritual beliefs. I can have a spirit of forgiveness in prayer, in meditation, or in times of quiet reflection. Everyone deserves forgiveness, no matter what they have done. Even me.”

After our call, I sat in quiet reflection for longer than I usually do when I finish a session. I realized then that many of us spend considerable time and energy building awareness of what we have done, or what has happened to us. And that can help us stop the covering up of the pain and bad memories.

But the key for me is this: What we then choose to do with that knowledge is a critical part of the “meaning-making” we humans share on this incredible journey called life.

Forgiving others for perceived or actual bad behavior is a gift bigger than any of us realize. It is not part of our nature – it transcends our natural human reactions in a beautiful and poetic way. I saw that in my client. And I hope for each of us who at times has been a “less than good” or even a “bad” boss, that we can seek forgiveness in our own ways as well.

For me, that is the most liberating part of the story.

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The Bad Bosses We Carry With Us https://gothamculture.com/2022/11/15/the-bad-bosses-we-carry-with-us/ Tue, 15 Nov 2022 14:19:39 +0000 https://gothamculture.com/?p=28891 I was working with a client one day, appreciating the self-discovery that was taking place for him. He spoke about the ways he had been shaped professionally and how he had been able to function and succeed in the workplace. The client was focusing on very real strengths and capabilities. A litany of successful teams Read More…

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I was working with a client one day, appreciating the self-discovery that was taking place for him. He spoke about the ways he had been shaped professionally and how he had been able to function and succeed in the workplace.

The client was focusing on very real strengths and capabilities. A litany of successful teams and projects flowed from his mouth as his eyes lit up and he recalled advancing from a junior position in the company to a senior leadership role; a role he had assumed a number of years before.

Unfortunately, even with all of that, the client then related to me that he felt he had somehow hit a plateau and was stuck in a job and didn’t see a path to advancement.

“What do you think gets in your way?” I asked.

The client sat in silence for a long minute and I waited. He began to speak haltingly and then stopped speaking altogether. A frown came over his face. Then I noticed some emotions emerge. I sensed that it had been triggered by something deep inside of him and I paused for a while and then gently asked:

“Please tell me what you are experiencing right now.”

Some tears welled up in the client’s eyes and the answer came in a slower cadence: “I remember a time a few years ago…”

I waited.

“I had worked for months as a project lead. We had created a product that was leading edge for our industry and we were all so proud of what we had accomplished.”

 “Please tell me more,” I said.

“And then the week came when we were to present to the CEO. We were ready, and we were so excited. Our vice president asked us to give him a pre-brief the day before. He gave us an hour and we nailed the presentation.”

“What happened then?” I asked

“After we finished, the boss sat with a sour look on his face and then told everyone but me to leave the room. Then he started berating me – yelling at times. He told me that the project was a ‘disaster’ and that I should be ashamed of my work in leading it. He said he was going to cancel the project and tell the CEO we weren’t ready.”

I paused and then pressed further, “Something else must have happened. At least that’s what I am experiencing by your body language and your facial expressions.”

After a look away and another deep sigh: “Yeah,” he said ruefully. “He waited two months and then presented the project as his own. Shortly afterward, he got promoted. I’ve been bitter ever since and I swore back then that I’d never do anything more than what I was told.”

“That’s a lot to carry,” I said, then waited a long minute and asked: “Would it be okay if we pursue it a bit further?”

He nodded and continued to speak – slowly at first and then it came as a flood of words.

What emerged was a theme that I have heard from many clients during the ten years I have been coaching professionally. A boss – and I don’t use the word “leader” here intentionally – broke a bond of trust, was belittling or had made someone feel smaller or diminished as a person. My client, like so many others, had submerged that memory, yet carried it inside of him. When he spoke about that particular event (He told me I was the first person to hear the story in its entirety), it was incredibly powerful for him to juxtapose that past experience with his current (and very real) well-developed capabilities and desire to grow in the organization.

I often explain to clients that it helps to “Name It” so they can “Tame It.” For my client working through these memories and their attendant emotions was a breakthrough for him. Over the next several sessions I saw his confidence grow as he explored more choices with intention and enthusiasm. He did the hard work of realizing that one bad boss need not derail a successful trajectory. He learned he may carry that boss with him but that that boss no longer controls him. It turns out this was just the perspective he needed to get back on track to re-energize his own continued sense of success.

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Be Kind to Those You Meet on the Way Up https://gothamculture.com/2022/08/30/be-kind-those-you-meet-way-up/ Tue, 30 Aug 2022 13:11:29 +0000 https://gothamculture.com/?p=27228 “Be nice to those you meet on the way up because you will meet them on the way down,” is variously attributed to Jimmy Durante, Wilson Mizner, and even Walter Winchell. Whoever said it had a perspective from which we all can learn. In my experience as a leader and as an executive coach, it Read More…

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“Be nice to those you meet on the way up because you will meet them on the way down,” is variously attributed to Jimmy Durante, Wilson Mizner, and even Walter Winchell.

Whoever said it had a perspective from which we all can learn. In my experience as a leader and as an executive coach, it is a topic that few people consider in the moment, yet it is a lens that is at once pragmatic and empathetic. It helps frame any person’s life journey and their career.

Most of us have experienced some type of promotion or an event that effectively moved us “higher” in a company or organization. One day we were at one level and the next we were someone’s boss or at a step that put us above our previous peers. It can be a bit unnerving sometimes, occasionally a rite of passage, and, sometimes – just sometimes – we can succumb to a feeling that we deserved the promotion while others did not.

In my experience, I think most of us experience all of these feelings. The key for each of us is to try to reconcile those thoughts into a realistic filter that provides a foundation from which to continue to learn and grow and remain effective members of a leadership team.

How do we approach those situations?

I always ask clients about how they feel about a promotion when it happens. It is often a fascinating series of questions and answers as we work together to help them build awareness about how to handle a new role.  My own approach might include these questions:

“Congratulations! What are you experiencing as you talk about the new job?”

“What has changed for you?”

“I’d be interested in any challenges you feel you face.”

“How is it going with the people who used to be your peers?”

“What intentions do you have and what choices do you feel you can make?”

The answers vary and inevitably lead to others. I often help clients explore the challenges of not wanting to let go of old responsibilities, while trying to also assume the new role (which I call the “Marley’s Ghost of Leadership.”) Attempting to hold onto an old job while attempting a new one can send a lot of signals to subordinates, including lack of trust and a breakdown in communication.

Also, a number of clients struggle with being promoted ahead of peers or those who might be more experienced in the organization. It is not uncommon for these clients to be labeled as “whiz kids” or “shiny pennies.”  They can contend with jealousy or judgment by others who might think they’re not worthy or capable of the new role. This can all add pressure and challenging expectations as they attempt to navigate the new role.

Other clients might try to disregard any messages from others and revert to just getting the job done and achieving more results in the new role. And while their achievements might continue, their relationships sometimes do not.

In any of these situations, as a coach I sometimes challenge people to help them gain perspective of the “promotion ladder”:

“So, you got promoted and you feel that people are labeling you or may even be jealous of you. What are the possibilities that you might once again be subordinate to them?”

 “I can’t imagine that.”

“Do me a favor and think about it.”

 “Well, it might be uncomfortable.”

“Why would it be uncomfortable?”

 “A lot of people think I left too big a wake as I completed projects and assignments – and that I don’t give enough credit to others.”

 “What might you do differently now that you thought about how others might see your performance and relationships?”

“Well, I guess it would be wise to connect with others and get to know them, work to give others credit – make it “we” instead of “I.”

“Effectively to be nice to others while you’re climbing the corporate ladder?”

“Yes, because you might meet them on your way back down!”

 A smile and then a look of recognition can often follow.

The harsh reality for each of us is that whether it’s a job change, a demotion, or a retirement, we all experience a trip “back down the ladder.”  If we’ve treated everyone with kindness, we can know that we have done our best to maintain and build relationships.

And after all, isn’t that what life is all about?

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How to “See” the Elusive Venn Diagram https://gothamculture.com/2022/07/26/how-see-elusive-venn-diagram/ Tue, 26 Jul 2022 13:47:19 +0000 https://gothamculture.com/?p=25873 A Venn Diagram is described by Will Kenton in Investopedia as “an illustration that uses circles to show the relationships among things or finite groups of things. Circles that overlap have a commonality while circles that do not overlap do not share those traits.” It might seem odd to focus on the concept of Venn Read More…

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A Venn Diagram is described by Will Kenton in Investopedia as “an illustration that uses circles to show the relationships among things or finite groups of things. Circles that overlap have a commonality while circles that do not overlap do not share those traits.”

It might seem odd to focus on the concept of Venn Diagrams in an article about coaching. But, believe it or not, it is a wonderful illustration for a foundational aspect of the coaching process. When we work with a client, we encourage their curiosity about what they are experiencing and work to “stay in the moment” to help them fully explore their situation, challenges, and opportunities while we also invite them to see the patterns they notice as they explore their thoughts and feelings.

These patterns vary. Some might be words that are often repeated. Or they can be a smile whenever they speak about a certain idea or person. They can also be when they discover that the varying viewpoints of others may actually have shared commonalities not previously considered. Being able to notice and appreciate patterns is foundational to learning and development.

In a recent session, a client was describing a major event occurring for their company. In some cases, the varying viewpoints on resolution of the issue were diametrically opposed to each other. A team that was previously cohesive and aligned was struggling to share perspectives without exploding into argument. My client was concerned, largely due to their high regard and respect for every member of their team.

I asked the client if they saw a pattern in what they were describing.

“What is it that each member of your team identifies as the issue?”

Every team member has a different perspective,” the client answered.  “One sees the issue as financial. Another thinks it’s related to human resources.  And yet another sees outside influences at play.”  

I paused and took another tack. I invited the client to close their eyes – to imagine each member of the team as a circle. Then I invited this perspective:

“Take a step back in your mind and envision where those circles overlap. Please tell me what you see.”

There was a long pause and I waited. Then the client opened their eyes and spoke:

“Well, the first overlap is this:  Every member of the team feels responsible for the success of the company. 

 “Anything else?” I asked.

 The second overlap is: “Each individual wants the current crisis to be addressed. 

 And Third:  Everyone is feeling stress.”

The client paused again and looked thoughtful. The concept of the overlaps – the “Venn Diagram” had registered. They went on:

“Yes, there are commonalities and if I step back I can see the overlap.  I just had to look at it a bit differently.”

From there the client was able to discover that the team had points in common and that their “system” had areas that were well developed. From there, the team could make choices to add range and to try different approaches based on the patterns they observed.

In Gestalt Coaching, we look for such patterns and invite the client or the system to see them. When they do, they can become curious about what the team can add to their capabilities and how each person, including the leader, can help them move towards it.

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The Relationship Between Your “Center” and Your Confidence https://gothamculture.com/2022/05/10/relationship-between-your-center-your-confidence/ Tue, 10 May 2022 13:15:46 +0000 https://gothamculture.com/?p=25150 “Do you need to find your center to discover your confidence, or do you first find your confidence in order to be centered?” I asked a client this question once during a session. It first elicited a look of surprise, then a slight smile, followed by a long moment of reflection and silence.  I sat Read More…

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“Do you need to find your center to discover your confidence, or do you first find your confidence in order to be centered?”

I asked a client this question once during a session.

It first elicited a look of surprise, then a slight smile, followed by a long moment of reflection and silence.  I sat quietly attending to the client, providing time for that pause to allow self-reflection and a building of awareness.

The answer began to emerge in a series of statements interspersed with thoughtful looks from the client:

“Well, I guess I never thought about it…”

“I think I’m always confident, but then again your question makes me think that I am not sure what being centered means…”

“Maybe they are both so interrelated that I didn’t notice the distinction.”

The conversation continued:

“What does ‘being centered’ mean to you?” I asked.

“Well, it means I experience a feeling of firm ground, understanding the issues I am facing and the people with whom I interact,” the client answered.

“Tell me more” I said.

“Well, the times that I feel the least confident often occur when I don’t understand the goals of a meeting, or people ask me questions for which I am not prepared. And then I try to come up with answers and I get nervous and search for words.”

“And what do you experience when that occurs?”

The client held a hand to their stomach and said, “I can feel it in my gut – it feels like it’s churning.”

What ensued was a wonderful process of discovery by the client, who began to realize that the “centeredness” they sought was inextricably linked to confidence. The moments when the client began to feel their confidence slip was felt in the body – knocking them off center and resulting in a feeling of imbalance and self-doubt.

A major shift occurred for the client, who began to realize that the lack of confidence stemmed from the unattainable: the ability to control the narrative and to always have the answers at the ready. 

“How could you always have the right questions or even the words you need?” I gently probed.

“I guess I can’t.”

“And how could you look at it differently, instead?” I asked.

“I guess realizing I don’t need to have all the answers for everything and making a confident choice associated with it”

“Please tell me about those choices,” I continued.

“Well, I could admit to myself when I don’t have the answer.  I can simply own up to it and instead ask clarifying questions or ask for guidance. For example, if someone is presenting something to me and asks, ‘What do you see here?’ and I’m not sure, it would make sense to say, ‘I’m not sure what I’m looking at here. Can you please help explain it so I can better understand your question?’”

“How do you think the other person would react?”

“You know, people like to teach others about what they do – it could strengthen our relationship.”

“So what choices do you want to make?”

The client related: “I don’t have ‘to have” the answers.  And the ‘to have,’ while important, is minor compared to ‘having to always have the answers.’  That is the liberating part.  I now understand in this moment that it’s okay with ‘knowing what I don’t know.’  No one expects me to know everything!”

“And how does that sit with you when you say it?”

“It’s okay ‘knowing what I don’t know.’  No one expects me to know everything.  It’s me who was putting that burden on myself!”

“It’s funny, but admitting that I can’t know everything – that makes me feel both confident AND centered,” the client exhaled a noticeable and refreshing sigh, combined with a smile.

We explored those feelings a bit more in our session and built on the themes that had begun to emerge.

For my client, it began as a process of concentrating on one particular experience which then transitioned to a broader focus on confidence and the need to feel centered. It was a session filled with exploration and discovery for the client and another place where powerful questions served as the best tool to deepen the client’s awareness of the real driver behind their emotional experience. It was a meaningful session for both of us.

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What’s the Formula for Success? https://gothamculture.com/2022/04/28/whats-formula-success/ Thu, 28 Apr 2022 13:12:32 +0000 https://gothamculture.com/?p=25084 In speaking with potential clients, I often get a question like the title of this blog. Questions abound, in fact, including: “Are there steps I should take to change?” or “What should I do to succeed as a leader?” As a coach who deals with unique individuals (and, of course, we’re all unique), my responses Read More…

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In speaking with potential clients, I often get a question like the title of this blog. Questions abound, in fact, including: “Are there steps I should take to change?” or “What should I do to succeed as a leader?”

As a coach who deals with unique individuals (and, of course, we’re all unique), my responses are filled not with answers, but with curiosity and interest in the personal and professional journey of the other person.

There have been thousands of books written on leadership. Every succeeding year brings even more. While each has value and can offer perspective, books alone cannot provide the unique approach that a unique individual needs to support their life’s journey. This is where individual one-on-one coaching enters the picture. Though I have not authored a “how-to” book of leadership, I can provide tools and approaches that will help individuals become aware of their own areas that are well-developed, as well as those that are developing or less developed.

Here’s the thing. A coach can provide a “safe container” in a confidential setting, inviting a client to celebrate their skills and strengths. I help clients look at what they do well or what they do often to help them realize that the capabilities they use are a part of who they are and have, no doubt, helped them succeed. I also explore with a client the times they may have overused their strengths. This can be illuminating when they realize that there may indeed have been a cost to leaning on one or two attributes most of the time.

It is powerful when my clients devote time to appreciate how areas that are well-developed have supported them and when they recognize that the use of what we call “developing” attributes or capabilities are also a very real part of who they are.

Carl Rogers once wrote, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” A curious paradox indeed. It begs exploration.

By knowing when well-developed areas are effective and when they aren’t helps build awareness in a client – and from there each individual can do something powerful: Make a choice and do something different – effectively to “expand their range” of possible approaches and actions.

Each client is different. Each client is unique. Each approach with them varies.

And yet each needs that safe place to talk and explore their personal and professional growth.

I have been a certified ICF executive coach for nearly ten years, after a three-decade career in corporate leadership positions. Working with high performers at all levels in management has shown me that everyone enters the world each day doing the best they can. Helping them build awareness about what they can add to those capabilities – to expand their own range– that is where the power in coaching lies.

What is the formula for success? Perhaps it’s about the tools of curiosity, listening, inquiry, and the power in pause that help each unique human discover where they are strong, where they want to grow, and then exploring how to do that.

It’s less about being formulaic and more about a roadmap, exploration, and what we find along the way.

Indeed, perhaps that is the formula for success.

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Ways to “Find Your Voice” https://gothamculture.com/2022/03/15/ways-to-find-your-voice/ Tue, 15 Mar 2022 17:47:04 +0000 https://gothamculture.com/?p=24785 In my work with leaders, a very common theme is the desire to enhance communication. This feeling often emerges from their own awareness and desire to improve the ability to have meaningful conversations with others In essence, it involves finding their voice. Finding that voice is not as easy as just speaking up. Nor is Read More…

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In my work with leaders, a very common theme is the desire to enhance communication. This feeling often emerges from their own awareness and desire to improve the ability to have meaningful conversations with others

In essence, it involves finding their voice.

Finding that voice is not as easy as just speaking up. Nor is it staying quiet, or deciding that a conversation can wait. And most certainly it is not the act of simply connecting the brain to the tongue and letting it go to work.

Speaking is, actually, the last thing you do in the steps to find your voice.

So how do we find those steps? In coaching, we use inquiry to help the client discover the actions that might work for them. It’s a process of awareness-building and is dependent upon each person’s experience, capabilities and perspective – effectively, the client’s “reality” in relationship to others.

For example, I once worked with a senior executive who was frustrated with the performance of his subordinates. In our sessions, he would carefully delineate shortcomings and lack of action by those on his team.

I would ask, “Well what words did you use when you spoke with that person?”

His response: “I didn’t – I’m planning on speaking with him next week.”

To which I would ask, “I’m curious why you haven’t spoken to him yet, especially if you have concerns.”

And after a long pause: “Well, I couldn’t find the right words.”

My client is not alone. Finding the right words might well be the first thing that can cause us to get “stuck” in finding our voice.

Here are some steps that might help you find yours:

  • First, do the work in your own head and your own heart. Build awareness about what you feel you need to say to anyone. Explore any reluctance or “resistance” that you might feel and embrace that resistance with curiosity. It might be that you haven’t fully formed your thoughts or it might be that you are concerned with how your words will affect the other person. The deep work is initially just inside of you. I call it “finding your center,” before moving to action.
  • Second, ask yourself, am I reacting or responding? A reaction is an initial feeling and can be emotional. We can sense our own emotional state if we become aware of our own triggers. Reacting doesn’t serve us in texting, emailing, or the spoken word. Responding, on the other hand, need not take days, but the power of a pause to give yourself the opportunity to carefully craft your ideas before you let them loose on another can make the difference in how the dialogue continues to unfold.
  • Third, explore the timing. The immediacy of communication is often as important as the words you say. If someone does a brilliant job on a project, an immediate word of encouragement or appreciation helps build success. So, too, with coaching “in the moment.” We all struggle with pointing out areas of potential growth for others, talking ourselves into holding off until some distant “annual review.” But waiting only builds resistance within us. Why not carefully consider your words, and then deliver them when the ideas are still fresh? With intention and choice, you can deliver them with kindness, dignity, and respect.
  • Fourth, be willing to take the time to establish common ground with the other person. Join with them through curiosity, appreciative inquiry, active listening, and appropriate pauses – I like to use the acronym CLIP. By doing that, you give them the gift of yourself.
  • Finally, always be willing to learn from your conversations – sometimes they just don’t go over the way you thought they would. We can always get better at finding our voice.

Finding your voice is a lifelong process and is unique for each of us. I invite you to find out what works for you and build on it!

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How Do We Know What We Don’t Know? https://gothamculture.com/2022/02/24/how-do-we-know-what-we-dont-know/ Thu, 24 Feb 2022 19:15:03 +0000 https://gothamculture.com/?p=24649 Did you ever contemplate what you know? How about what you don’t know? What tools do you use to build awareness in order to decide between the two? I worked with a client a few years ago. Words come to mind to describe him, including cheerful, bright, and caring. And there was one other: Certainty. Read More…

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Did you ever contemplate what you know?

How about what you don’t know?

What tools do you use to build awareness in order to decide between the two?

I worked with a client a few years ago. Words come to mind to describe him, including cheerful, bright, and caring. And there was one other: Certainty.

For he was almost inevitably certain about the things of which he spoke.

Over time my client came to realize that certainty was a well-developed attribute that had often served him quite well – and that he had become so accustomed to using it that it became a habit, often using it outside his own awareness. When he did so, it cost him in a number of ways. But by expanding his range to sometimes opt for uncertainty as a choice, he became a better leader.

We all have times when we assume we know something when we actually do not. It can be through certainty or perhaps overconfidence in our own knowledge or abilities. And sometimes it even stems from our own ignorance of actually not knowing or admitting what we don’t know (Dunning-Kruger comes to mind here, but that is something to discuss another day).

“I don’t know,” is a phrase that takes courage to say, and yet it is so very liberating. For it allows us to be open to other ideas, new perspectives, and a new way of seeing the world. And it allows for learning and growth and also models a behavior for those around us.

Adam Grant in his work “Think Again,” challenges us to “Rethink” and to be curious about what we don’t know, not relying on our previous knowledge or biases.  “Rethinking” is described in the book as “the process of doubting what you know, being curious about what you don’t know, and updating your thinking based on new evidence.”

The challenge for each of us in our personal and professional life is to first realize that we can’t know everything. Despite continuous web-searching and media bombardment, the enormity of the material in existence simply does not make it possible. And yet we often fall into the trap – especially as a leader in a work setting, when we feel compelled to nod knowingly or express an opinion that comes across as a “fact.”

It might be ego. It may be that we are arguing against someone and want to be “certain.”  And it may well be that we fear being unknowledgeable to the professionals around us.

Yet when admitting that we don’t know, we can actually appear to be something else – curious, inquisitive, always learning, and vulnerable in admitting that we don’t know it all.

We have the ability to know what we don’t know.  It’s just a matter of saying it to ourselves with the confidence that comes from courage and vulnerability.

What a great step for each of us!

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The “How” of Working Together https://gothamculture.com/2022/01/27/how-working-together/ Thu, 27 Jan 2022 18:43:05 +0000 https://gothamculture.com/?p=24245 As leaders, we can sometimes overly focus our days on what we and our teams should accomplish.  We create strategic plans and then we devise action steps that will allow us to accomplish them.  Myriad “tasks” emanate downward to our teams and the work gets assigned and executed at the individual level. Or at least Read More…

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As leaders, we can sometimes overly focus our days on what we and our teams should accomplish.  We create strategic plans and then we devise action steps that will allow us to accomplish them.  Myriad “tasks” emanate downward to our teams and the work gets assigned and executed at the individual level. Or at least that’s the way it’s supposed to work.

And yet so often we hear from clients words like “But something is missing – my direct reports and colleagues just don’t seem to understand what we are trying to accomplish.”

I spoke to a client a few weeks ago who expressed frustration with the progress of his team.  “They know what to do, but I can’t figure out why they aren’t getting it done.”

We spent considerable time talking about the “what” he wanted his people to do.  He had repeatedly given detailed instructions to various team members, and yet the work, he felt, wasn’t fully embraced, understood, or ultimately accomplished.  I queried him about what each of those words meant to him and his team.

Then I asked him, “How is it that you and your team decide to work together?”  He answered, “Well, they know their jobs and I guess they should be able to get the job done.”  My follow-on question: “With what tools?”  The answer: “Well, we just need to communicate better.”  I smiled and asked what that meant to him, and then what it meant to his team.  The answer was indirect and a bit unfocused, as he stayed with the theme of communication, without providing details.  The conversation continued:

I asked, “Well before you start making plans with a friend, do you call him and just tell him what it is that you are going to do today?”.

“Of course not – we chat about what we did the day before, how things are going – things like that.”

“And why do you do that?”

“Well, because we have a relationship and we don’t just assign plans to each other.  We would never do that.”

“And why then would you do that with the members of your team?” I asked.

The client paused and I waited.  And then I waited some more.  A longer pause – Then he smiled and said,

“You know, I guess that isn’t working, is it?  Maybe I should build the relationship and figure out how we all work first before I begin assignments and goals.”

“And how will you do that?” I asked.

From there, the client began talking about the various ways he could establish common ground with his team members, to effectively “meet them where they are,” using the concept of relationship as his intention and follow-on actions as his choice.

In coaching we often point out to our clients that human beings and the systems in which they work and live in are not just “tasks,” but indeed are built on relationships.  In Gestalt theory, it is termed “Intimate-Strategic” or, as I like to think about it, the balance between “Relationships and Tasks.”  A number of articles are helpful to understand this better, including one by Emergenetics.

So the next time you find yourself moving straight to the list of “to-do’s” and the tasks, invite yourself to think of the “How” of working together.  You’ll find that the “What” flows quite nicely thereafter.  It did for my client that day and it will for you!

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The Observer Effect and Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle https://gothamculture.com/2021/12/02/observer-effect-heisenbergs-uncertainty-principle/ Thu, 02 Dec 2021 18:05:48 +0000 https://gothamculture.com/?p=23814 My apologies to the physicists who might be reading this. I’m no expert on quantum mechanics. But I am a lifelong learner. So when I saw an article recently on “Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle,” I read further and learned about what is called the “Observer Effect,” which, in physics, is described as the disturbance of an Read More…

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My apologies to the physicists who might be reading this. I’m no expert on quantum mechanics. But I am a lifelong learner.

So when I saw an article recently on “Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle,” I read further and learned about what is called the “Observer Effect,” which, in physics, is described as the disturbance of an observed system by the act of observation. I was fascinated that by trying to observe and measure particles or waves we actually change them.

I sat with that knowledge for a while and realized that it has applicability to how each of us interacts with others, with our environment, and even with our technology.  We human beings are always part of a system or systems. And when we enter a system, we change it. Sometimes that is with real intent but so very often it just happens without us noticing it.

We can’t change the Observer Effect, but knowing about it can help us understand how our teams, as systems themselves, function – with or without us.

A client was speaking with me the other day about developing his subordinates and the Observer Effect came up. He acknowledged that it existed and realized that any time he entered the system he would be changing its dynamics. That knowledge helped him as he talked about how to approach a goal of eliciting more independence from his people. The first step was to invite them to host their own meetings.

My client discussed a number of approaches: 1) He could attend the meetings and teach the individuals how he wanted them to work together; 2) He could invite everyone and then just sit in the background and watch; and 3) Alternatively, he could ask everyone to be there and not attend, providing some outcomes in advance that he’d like to see.

As we talked about his approaches, I asked him what he had done so far with his ideas. I was curious about his intent.

He thought about it for a while, paused, and said, “My intent is not to be so involved in every level of information and the decisions surrounding them. I want to be liberated from being the person who always has to be “in the know.” Instead, I’d like people to come to me only when they can’t solve the handful of dilemmas that they haven’t been able to work out together.”

The client went on, “If I can harness that intent, then my team grows in their capabilities and I get to expand my range in the process.”

“So, which of your three approaches do you favor?”, I asked.

“Well, probably a combination of the three because I need to set the stage for my people, communicate my intentions to them, and then be ready to accept the outcomes they achieve.

Being in the room will affect the system, that I know, and then leaving them to work by themselves will let them achieve results without being observed.”

I paused for a moment and smiled, noting, “I think I’m hearing you say that you are seeking growth in those you work with so that you can become a better leader. You’re setting the stage within the system and then sitting back and letting it function on its own!”

It is instructive for each of us to know that there is such a thing as the “Observer Effect,” and it helps us realize that we have the opportunity as leaders to know and act upon it. We can’t be in the room – or “in the know”- all the time, and we can also set the stage at the same time without being there.

People are not exactly like waves or particles in quantum mechanics –we can adapt and change based on very real intentions – and yet knowing the Observer Effect helps us understand a bit more the wonderful complexity and diversity of this world – and ourselves.

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